Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Where's the Credibility?

No, I'm not talking about president Bush and his administration's lack of the topic...

I couldn't bring myself to watch the 9/11 docudrama last night, so I flipped on the world's most popular television show - CSI: Miami.

The show started with David Caruso standing in one of the highest-class holding cells I've ever seen - seriously Haute Couture. Anyway, he's talking with some criminal who's in jail. The criminal doesn't want to cooperate, lest he get whacked by the gangster he works for. Caruso says he's only interested in the lead bad guy - I'll say his name is "Riel" even though I can't remember for sure. Anyway, the dude in jail says something to the effect of "he hangs out with this Arab guy named (I'll say Ahmed)."

Next scene has David Caruso (A CSI investigator) at Ahmed's house with a bunch of other cops. He says they have a warrant to search the house. What? A warrant? He got a warrant to search based on one criminal saying that another criminal has been hanging out with Ahmed? There's no allegation of a crime. There's nothing presented by the show to indicate what was sworn to in the warrant, in particular the things to be searched for, including a description of them. Where the hell is the lawyer for Ahmed trying to get the gun the cops found suppressed? Ahmed is alone talking to David Caruso (again, a CSI INVESTIGATOR!) in an interrogation room, where he cops to shooting five guys with the automatic gun they found on their "warranted" search.

There's some other story involving the other CSI folks, being questioned for a missing $12,000 from an evidence bag. The first person, Emily Procter, is asked how they handle evidence. This gives Jerry Bruckheimer the chance to use a bunch of unnecessary flashbacks and camera shots to explain how they open the bag, record the evidence, close the bag, tape it shut, and initial the bag. Who is watching this show that is too stupid to understand an oral description of that? And should they be allowed to watch television without a grown-up in the room? Anyway, the Federal agents then question a bunch of other CSI members, culminating with Adam Rodriguez, who "demands to see the evidence against him." That's fine and dandy, Adam, but you're not being charged with a crime. You're being questioned for your involvement in the crime. You're not entitled to be presented with the evidence against him, that's a matter for criminal procedure for a defendant. (I could be wrong here, as we've not studied this yet in crimpro, but I'm willing to go out on the limb here. Maybe someone with a little more legal experience can clarify this point for me.)

Anyway, the scene then cuts to David Caruso, who is investigating ATM videos, where he sees Riel driving in a car with some girl. The first filmstrip is a bad view, so they can't get a look at her. The second film has her walking with her back to the camera, so they can't get a look at her face. But wait! There's enough technology at CSI: Miami to digitally clean up the video capture of the woman's REFLECTION in the car window. We then realize that this 6 month old security video, which was somehow still available for CSI to get their hands on from various banks (with no probable cause, again) has a picture of Adam Rodriguez's sister hanging out with Riel. Adam Rodriguez's sister, apparently, is the same woman that David Caruso married, who was killed. Small world.

Anyway, the CSI folks then somehow get Riel's cell phone number, so they can track him using the GPS in the phone. Fortunately, to help us out with the conversation between David Caruso and Riel, the producers decide to subtitle Riel's VERY CLEAR ENGLISH. this isn't slick and stylin', this is absolutely stupid and unnecessary. Are the viewers suddenly deaf when a short hispanic man talks? You've gotta be kidding me.

I won't ruin the climax of the show for you, since that's where all the fun is. Man, I hate this show. Why do I watch it?


nuje said...

Why couldn't you watch the 9/11 show? I have the entire thing on VHS if you change your mind.

janet said...

Kinda sounds like CSI is as painful for you as the docudrama was for the rest of us.

Seriously though -- I've become a believer in the idea that people in certain fields shouldn't watch shows anywhere nearly related to those fields. It'll just drive you batty.

And CSI will do that to anyone, let alone anyone in law :)