Two Boll weevils grew up in Alabama. The first one went to Hollywood and became a big star. The other one stayed behind, and never really amounted to much. He became known as the Lesser of Two Weevils.
The receptionist walks in to the psychiatrist's office - "Doctor, there's a man out here who claims he's invisible." The psychiatrist said, "Tell him I can't see him now."
Some people say that sheep and goats are nothing alike. The truth is, they have mutton in common.
Two eskimos are fishing in their boat. They get cold, and to heat up decide to build a little fire. They light the fire, which ignites the rest of the canoe, and the eskimoes sink. Thus proving, you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
In order to raise some funds for their monastery, two monks decided to open a flower shop in the nearby village. The friars were so kind and the flowers so nice that quickly they developed a large clientele and started taking customers from the other flower shops. The owners of these shops begged, pleaded, and threatened the monks to close shop and leave, but the monks stayed. Finally, the other owners hired a local thug named Hugh McTaggart, who went to the monk's shop, tore it up, beat up the monks, and ran them out of town. The moral of the story is "Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars."