Insomnia

It's after midnight. I started the day at 6, getting up with my wife, getting the kids dressed, in their swimming suits, teeth brushed, hair combed, and out the door to daycare. Then I came back home, kissed my wife goodbye, hopped in the shower, got myself clean and shaved, complete with razor burn, dressed and out the door.

Got to school at 9. Did 40 questions - 20 Tort, 20 Contracts - we got 33 out of 40 right, though I missed about 3 more because they were questions my study partner knew that I didn't. Then we ate lunch and my study partner, Aaron, another friend, Debra, and I started up on Business Associations. I know jack about Corporations, other than you have to give 3 days notice for an organizational meeting after you form the corporation by filing with the Secretary of State. I know a bit more about agency and partnership; I just hope it's enough for the Bar. After 4 hours of studying that, we took a break so Aaron and Debra could have some Starbuck's, while I sort of stared into space for a bit, to let the previous several hours of essays and outlining soak in. Then it was back to school, where Aaron and I got to study Texas Criminal Procedure and Evidence by going over last Spring's MPT (Multistate Practice Exam). We finished up around 8, at which time I got back in my car and drove home, where the wife had gotten the children showered (they had splash day at daycare, so they really needed a bath), but none of them were in bed yet, because they have this thing where if one of them is still awake, then the other two must also still be awake, and they can't fall asleep until the other two are asleep. So I help the wife get the kids' teeth brushed and shuffle everyone off to bed.

Now I go downstairs to check my e-mail and just kind of enjoy the silence (and eat dinner - bbq = good). The wife comes down with me, which I'm thankful for, because I needed some non-study company (anyone who has ever been married and studied for the bar knows what I mean). Then we went back upstairs to watch my birthday present (Scrubs, season 3). We watched a couple episodes then tried to go to sleep. A short time later, it's midnight and I'm still wide awake thinking about all the stuff I still have to learn to take the bar and what we need to go over tomorrow and then what we're going to cover on Sunday when we do a full day again instead of the abbreviated day we're going to take tomorrow.

It's not that I don't think I can do this; in fact it's the opposite - I know I can do it if I just work a little harder. It's just a question of getting myself to focus enough to do that little bit harder. It also means that I have to ask my family to be that little bit more patient with this for that little bit longer, which makes it more difficult on everyone involved. Then I top everything off by being up at midnight thinking about all the things I have to worry about and the thing my wife worries about and the things that worry and stress my children and, well, you get the idea.

I've never encountered anything as mentally taxing as the Bar. But I've never felt like I was more ready to do what it takes to ensure that I pass something as I am with the Bar.

I just need to find a way to control my stress and my temper and focus on getting the knowledge down. And getting myself some sleep.