I Hate CSI Miami

Yes, I watched it this week. Yes, it was as dumb as ever.

So what happens is that there's a psychologist who practices out of her house. I won't comment on the logic of inviting violent personality types to your place of residence. After one session with a client who gets really upset that the hour is up, we cut to the next morning where the psych's daughter is dead in the office.

Police are investigating and the mother states that she doesn't understand why the daughter was in there in the first place, as she's not allowed in that room. Well, we all know that if a parent says "don't" do something, the children "do" it. At any rate, as the rest of the team shows up, The Jaw (aka Adam Rodriguez) looks around and notices "this is my psych's office." I find it odd that he has to get inside the office to come to this realization, as opposed to recognizing the address, or the house, but I guess attention to detail isn't terribly important when you're a crime scene investigator.

The team determines that the murder weapon was 7 inches long, because it chipped a tooth, even though it went in through the back of the head. This, of course, gives them reason to play back the death blow several times, so we could see the tooth chip - key to solving any murder.

You know what I find most bizarre about this? At no point does the CSI team even CONSIDER that the killer might be the mom. Seriously - isn't family usually a pretty good starting point?

Anyway, they go through a list of several suspects, all of whom are the psych's clients, even though the client doesn't give any names. They have the spoiled trust fund boy, the aggressive guy who was the last client she saw the night before, and the ex-con who's going through a divorce. Unfortunately, they all have alibis. But the son remembers seeing a car drive away with vanity plates (how lucky can you get!) and he remembers them (even luckier!). These plates belong to the wife of the ex-con who was there "just checking in on her husband to get some dirt for the divorce."

They then find out that someone stole the psych's files - so they have to investigate that, and manage to find fingerprints on the inside of the file cabinet. Here's the great thing - they only find fingerprints from ONE person, and they just KNOW it had to have been from the murder or the day after - it's ex-convict! They go and question him again but he was fishing with his son. This leads them back to his wife, who is a hair stylist. As El Poseur is questioning her, he notices her work station has a pair of scissors in that blue crap that stylists keep their utensils in. The scissors are sharp, so EP brings her and her scissors in to investigate. They find no blood (they've been cleaned and disinfected), but, amazingly enough, they do find ONE PIECE of brain matter. She cleans the damn things, is sensible enough to do that, but doesn't get everything? And cleaning the blood doesn't happen to wipe off the (relatively) large piece of brain they find? I'm more impressed that the scissors aren't hurt at all from going through the bone or chipping the tooth, but finding a piece of brain that belongs to the victim? Pretty astounding. Still, was she planning on using those scissors to cut people's hair after that? And what was she doing at the salon with nobody in it? Was she opening it? Or does she just like to hang out there after stabbing someone in the brain? Anyway, what a fortuitous turn of events for the CSI Miami team, and it only took what must have been 3 minutes, since it was still that morning when they got her to confess!

There's a whole lot more going on - much more crazy luck. The other murder suspects (trust fund and the rage guy) both end up committing other crimes - trust fund burgles, apparently, and rage guy, they catch killing the lady because they read all her files. I'm glad the cops are willing to violate the law to keep us from doing so. Makes that liberty thing seem so important.

Anyway, maybe next week will be a believable episode.