I have not been sleeping well. I'm pretty sure I've been having anxiety attacks all week long. Wednesday morning, I woke up at 1:30, and then approximately every half hour after, thinking that I'd overslept. The same thing happened on Thursday morning. Last night wasn't as bad, as I didn't wake up until about 3. I've been nauseated and having trouble concentrating, particularly at work.
I think work is the problem. Well, in a manner of speaking. You see, I like a lot of what I do. But one thing I have realized over the years is that I don't like to talk to people I don't know (professional individuals in a polite environment I can handle just fine), and I don't like talking to rude people, particularly on the phone. Unfortunately, my job involves a lot of both of these. I've been doing this work for five months now, and it hasn't gotten any easier. Interestingly, this was supposed to start out as an 8-10 week project, and they've discussed moving us on to other projects after this one is finished. I think this is where I'm having my difficulty. I'm doing a job that I took because I needed the income, and now I'm staying there because I don't think I can afford to quit.
I started looking today, but I'm not sure that the job I want is out there. I would love a position as a legal researcher, or a legal historian. Perhaps tax work is something I could do, that's been of interest to me in the past. But mass tort work, though I thought I'd like it, really is not turning out to be what I wanted. I don't know how much longer I can do the anxiety attacks. Perhaps if I didn't have to talk to the clients (this should be a laugher for all lawyers out there, because it's virtually impossible to practice law without talking to clients), or if the clients had their wits about them, I'd be ok. As it is, I've got to press on with trying to get up the nerve to call someone who I know is going to yell at me and swear at me and then call my supervisor and complain about how unprofessional I was in speaking with them, and then get a talking to because of that that, even though I've not been unprofessional.
I need a vacation.