Friday, February 15, 2008

What I'm realizing

I have not been sleeping well. I'm pretty sure I've been having anxiety attacks all week long. Wednesday morning, I woke up at 1:30, and then approximately every half hour after, thinking that I'd overslept. The same thing happened on Thursday morning. Last night wasn't as bad, as I didn't wake up until about 3. I've been nauseated and having trouble concentrating, particularly at work.

I think work is the problem. Well, in a manner of speaking. You see, I like a lot of what I do. But one thing I have realized over the years is that I don't like to talk to people I don't know (professional individuals in a polite environment I can handle just fine), and I don't like talking to rude people, particularly on the phone. Unfortunately, my job involves a lot of both of these. I've been doing this work for five months now, and it hasn't gotten any easier. Interestingly, this was supposed to start out as an 8-10 week project, and they've discussed moving us on to other projects after this one is finished. I think this is where I'm having my difficulty. I'm doing a job that I took because I needed the income, and now I'm staying there because I don't think I can afford to quit.

I started looking today, but I'm not sure that the job I want is out there. I would love a position as a legal researcher, or a legal historian. Perhaps tax work is something I could do, that's been of interest to me in the past. But mass tort work, though I thought I'd like it, really is not turning out to be what I wanted. I don't know how much longer I can do the anxiety attacks. Perhaps if I didn't have to talk to the clients (this should be a laugher for all lawyers out there, because it's virtually impossible to practice law without talking to clients), or if the clients had their wits about them, I'd be ok. As it is, I've got to press on with trying to get up the nerve to call someone who I know is going to yell at me and swear at me and then call my supervisor and complain about how unprofessional I was in speaking with them, and then get a talking to because of that that, even though I've not been unprofessional.

I need a vacation.

6 comments:

Jamie said...

Sorry that you have to deal with crappy clients.

Did you try the symlicity? There are some job postings.

By the way, I still think coming to the housewarming party is better. There might be karaoke!

red.hot.mamma! said...

Yes, you need a vacation. We should figure out this Bastrop thing because I also want to see your adorable children! Actually, I'll be in Houston for the day on 2/27. Maybe I can pick up a Star Pizza and swing by Chez Houchin on my way back to Austin.

Today I was talking to a coworker and I discovered a kinda of legal job that might be the kind of thing that's up your alley. We recently found out that there's an Association of County & District Clerks or something like that & they employ attorneys who do things like produce manuals for County Clerks. Austin is full of associations. And you could also look for work with the state bar that would be research oriented. Of course, all these things necessitate a move to Austin.

Nelson M. said...

Steve,

Your comments resonated with me on two levels. First, I share the same anxiety also doing phone work in my previous jobs because of unruly customers or (in one case) constituents.

But second, I too experienced the same type of anxiety attack when I was briefly a teacher. There was a myriad of challenges where I was teaching, and I went through the same pattern. I would go to bed at 11 or so, fall asleep around 12, sleep until 1 or 130, and I would just have nightmares the rest of the night and barely sleep, often I never went back to sleep. I don't what was worse, the job or thinking about the next day at the job. And it never, ever got better.

Simply relating to my own experience, I would suggest getting out of there as soon as possible (if they don't accomodate you). Even if it means taking a somewhat inferior position. Obviously, you know better your own financial circumstances. But as soon as you can, get out of there and never look back. No job is worth sacrificing your mental well-being.

Gramma said...

I would go to bed at 11 or so, fall asleep around 12, sleep until 1 or 130, and I would just have nightmares the rest of the night and barely sleep, often I never went back to sleep. I don't what was worse, the job or thinking about the next day at the job. And it never, ever got better.
Now, I just copied and pasted the above from N. Nelson's comments. This is my life currently. I have to get out of my position with the school district. It's an awful feeling to be sick to my stomach before going to work every day.

Gramma said...

I would go to bed at 11 or so, fall asleep around 12, sleep until 1 or 130, and I would just have nightmares the rest of the night and barely sleep, often I never went back to sleep. I don't what was worse, the job or thinking about the next day at the job. And it never, ever got better.
Now, I just copied and pasted the above from Nelson's comments. This is my life currently. I have to get out of my position with the school district. It's an awful feeling to be sick to my stomach before going to work every day.

Anonymous said...

Often working for the AG's office has limited client interaction.

I think that there are different types of clients out there. I know that working in Family Law, I often deal with clients who don't listen to my legal advice, and do what they want and expect me to clean up the mess. However, my friends in tax and IP deal with corporate clients who actually value and listen to thier advice. Sometimes there are messes to clean up but it is nothing like with family law trainwrecks.

I suggest maybe looking into AG's office and other govt. positions. Good luck! Anxiety sucks, and I think that we all are experiencing a bit this first year. But I hope that you can do the best that you can to minimize/mitigate/control yours.

Shailey