More Hate directed towards CSI Miami

I confess. I missed the first half of the season finale. This is not necessarily a negative, though it does make it more difficult to give a complete recap. Still, let's review a few of the things I did catch last night. This may be out of chronological order, but seeing as how nothing on CSI Miami makes real sense the way it plays out anyway, we should be all right.

I think I tuned in with Adam Rodriguez's character (The Jaw) using his handy dandy computer to lift a partial fingerprint off of a spent shell casing. Fortunately, only one person has ever handled this particular casing, and therefore they were able to get a good match in about 7 seconds on their magical computer fingerprint-matching database. It takes me longer than that to open a picture from my My Pictures folder and it's located on my computer. I need some good Miami PD funded computer software and hardware. Anyway, the guy the fingerprint belongs to is an ammunition salesperson, and he just happens to have inspected that particular casing in his inspections before the bullets are shipped overseas. This was revealed after he was searched in his place of business (a Terry patdown is probably unnecessary here).

While this is going on, Callie Duquesne, the Smirker, is busy inspecting some of the bullets they recovered from the crime scene. She pours the solution to clean the bullets and just starts cleaning the first one when the phone rings. In a very believable series of events, The Smirker puts down the bullet and then places the Q-tip on the Petri dish with the solvent and answers the phone. As she is on the phone, some unseen force of nature wills the Q-tip off of the petri dish and it rolls towards the bullet, striking the bullet. This is just enough force to send the bullet rolling along the table, which apparently is on a significant enough incline to get it to roll completely off the edge. Then, the bullet completes 1.75 rotations and lands PERFECTLY on its percussion cap with enough force to discharge the bullet, which then goes straight up into the fluorescent light, knocking the light down onto the table and setting the entire table on fire. It's like the perfect storm.

After the fire is put out, The Jaw asks the Smirker how many bullets there were (3) and how many were compromised (2) and then sets out to find the missing slug. Fortunately, the third slug was found underneath the table that had caught fire, cozied up next to one of the wheels (apparently it didn't discharge when it fell off the table or when it was presumably heated by the fire). Even more fortunately, they were able (after safely discharging the bullet in their bullet discharger) to determine that the bullet was filled with black powder, but with no stabilizer, and that it was made in 1969 in a Soviet Bloc country, which is illegal for someone to own/sell.

This realization then gives El Poseur reason to execute a search warrant at the ammunition dealer's place of business. Except, instead of Knock and Announce, El Poseur stands behind our suspect with his pistol drawn and bearing straight on the back of the guy's head (the front after he turns around to see the police in his office). Lo and behold, they find the handgun, and the suspect confesses. They take him out of the building and start on their way towards the police cars to drive him to the police station when - and this is completely possible - a driver in a Lexus drives by, sticks his right hand out of the passenger window, shoots ONE BULLET from at least 50 feet away and plugs the suspect square in the heart. This bullet is no ordinary bullet, though, it's a fused alloy shell. The great thing about the fused alloy shell is that it works two different ways. If it strikes something cold, such as a bullet-proof vest, it does not break apart, rather it stays together, piercing the kevlar. However, if it hits something warm, such as a person, the bullet's alloy will split apart, operating more like a shotgun blast and creating several exit wounds. Strangely enough, though, the heat from shooting the freaking bullet does not generate enough heat (even though heat was what led the bullet in the lab to go off into the light earlier in the show) to break apart the alloy. Apparently gunfire is something slightly less than 98.6 degrees, though the shells that landed on me in boot camp felt considerably warmer.

Long story short, they track down the guy who is selling these weapons and he gets locked up. He then sends a message via phone that he wants El Poseur taken care of "just let me know when it's done." El Poseur at this time is stepping off of a small jet (maybe a Lear jet?) at the airport with his sunglasses on. As he stands on the tarmac, he takes his glasses off; I'm not quite sure why he needed the shades on in the plane but not on the runway, but hey, he's the star, so he gets to get his way. Suddenly a gunshot rings out and EP falls, a bullet hole in his shades.

Is El Poseur dead? Of course not; we're not that lucky, but we won't know until the fall, when we learn who shot EP. (Perhaps it was Jonathon Torgo, who apparently got the text message on his phone that EP was taken care of. Oooh, plot twist!)