Saturday, October 01, 2005

Are you a criminal?

Or, rather, have you broken any laws? Probably, but maybe not some of these:

- It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer while standing.
- It is illegal to shoot buffalo from the second story of a hotel
- It is illegal to milk another person's cow

- All lollipops are banned
- All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle
- It is illegal to buy any kind of meat on Sunday

- Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses
- All animals are banned from publicly mating within 1500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship
- It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.
- special note: It is illegal to molest Monarch Butterflies in Pacific Grove. They actually have signs on the trails and sidewalks that state as such. I've seen them. $500.

- You may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless you offer more than six for sale at once.
- You may not fish with a bow and arrow

U.S. Laws (passed by Congress):
- You may be placed in jail for up to five years for shooting a hole in a penny.
- It is illegal to be a dominatrix
- Any U.S. Person may take control of an uninhabited island if it contains bird droppings. (bird droppings are very high in nitrogen and a good source of fertilizer)
- No person may appear as a contestant on more than one game show in one year

- You may never leave your car keys in an unattended vehicle
- It is illegal to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes, and black shoe polish on your face as these items are the tools of a cat burglar.
- It is illegal to walk on the right side of a footpath
- It is a violation of ACA regulations for a modem to pick up on the first ring, subject to a $12,000(AU) fine.
- Taxi cabs are required to carry a bale of hay in the trunk.

Remember, we want these laws.


mlwhitt said...

Yeah in Kentucky we can't use a bow and arrow to fish, but dynomite is AOK.

Steve said...

If it works. I've heard of a few people around here "noodling" - fishing for catfish with their fingers as bait.
I prefer offshore fishing myself.

heatherfeather said...

in massachusetts, it's illegal to eat more than 3 sandwiches at a wake, snore loudly with the windows open, or (thank god) wear a goatee

in coldwater springs, ny it's illegal to drive a goat in a silly fashion past a church on sunday

it's illegal to hunt camels in arizona

in redlands, ca, it's illegal to walk with one foot in the gutter and one foot on the curb

in tennessee it's illegal for a woman driver to drive unless preceded by a man with a red flag warning other drivers that a woman is driving

in... indiana? it's illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.

there's also a law somewhere that does not permit pretzels and beer to be served simultanously in bars

Weary Hag said...

I've always loved these unusual little laws.
Leaves me to wonder if some 50 years from now, people won't be laughing at such buffoonery as "it is illegal to drive and talk on your cell phone unless you are using a hands-free device" as is now the case in the State of CT.

(it takes more fumbling for the elusive ear piece than it does to just pick up the silly phone while driving - so when do they ban CD changers in cars too? I've reached over for many a tune in my day)