Saturday, August 26, 2006

I really hate CSI Miami

I watched this show the second season and enjoyed laughing at it. But ever since then, I feel insulted when I watch the show. The investigators drive me crazy. Especially Emily Procter's character, whi has that stupid half-grin whenever she explains anything, or when she's confused, or bemused, or flirting, or upset, or angry. I've already commented on David Caruso, who incidentally also sports a stupid half-grin. I can't believe he was in First Blood and Hudson Hawk.

Let's not forget the dialogue. These people are potentially the stupidest group of investigators ever. Fortunately, in each episode there's one designated expert for whatever new thing they might have to encounter, and they do it with such great foreshadowing, like when they had Adam Rodriguez's character explain his long held love of scuba diving for treasure just before he had to go scuba diving for lost treasure.

Or how the investigators have some absolutely insane conversations to explain why they're doing something:
"What's that hole?"
"That? That's a bullet hole."
"A hole from a bullet? Like one shot from a gun?"
"Yeah. What happens is the bullet comes out of the gun (queue special effects of a bullet being shot here) and moves at a high speed. Then, if the person is in the line of fire, he'll get hit (queue bullet hitting body here)."
"Wow. And what's that dark reddish stuff around the... bullet... hole?"
"See, that's blood."
"Blood? You mean from a person?"
"Yes. When a person gets shot, the bullet breaks the skin and goes through the body, where it breaks blood vessels."
"What's a blood vessel?"
"It's like a tube that moves blood throughout the body."
"And when the vessels are broken, then the blood leaks out?"
"... And then it spreads around the hole."

I understand the point of these dialogues is to explain to the stupid viewers what should be obvious, but it's rather annoying to watch "professional" CSI agents talking stupid like that.

And then there's the credibility thing. Seriously. Last episode I watched (because apparently I've got a little masochist streak in me) had a bunch of shredded documents that Adam Rodriguez had to put back together. After he put it back together, he used the high tech fingerprint extractor on the check he reassembled, and found ONE fingerprint. ONE. Because when you sign a check, you never touch it, or when you hand it to someone else, you don't touch it, so obviously only one person could have ever made contact with it, and that was long enough to only leave ONE freaking fingerprint. You're kidding me, right? And that person just happens to be on the fingerprint register at the CSI lab. How fortuitous. Someone get these geniuses over here, we have quite a few unsolved murders in Houston. Perhaps Caruso and company can take a few hours for a road trip. CSI-Houston. Or, since it's David Caruso and Company, it would probably be more along the lines of CSI-River Oaks or CSI West-U. Because poor people in Miami don't ever get murdered. At least, if they do, they're not worthy of CSI treatment, unless they're hot, that is.

I hate CSI Miami.

1 comment:

Hannelie said...

Hear hear! I hate CSI too and so does my husband!!
We've watched a few programs looong ago or occasionally we are bored and think, Oh let's see what's on, but gosh, it hardly starts and we think 'why are we watching this again?'.

And as you know, in the REAL police world, the general duty coppers gets called out first to an incident, they will cordon the crime scene off, then the forensics gets called in, then the detectives take the info and persue the case/baddies, but in CSI the over glorified team does IT ALL??? I know our police have Child protection squads that deals with children issues, and Water police that does all the diving and Ballistics teams etc.
Surely they must think we are all stupid.