Monday, January 12, 2009

I Hate CSI Miami

My first episode of the year - maybe my last - it's as bad as ever.

Opening sequence - random young man walking down the middle of the street with random people yelling at him from his cars. Ultimately, a cop pulls him over, stops him, while he's trying to get the kid's attention, a white SUV almost hits him. The cop, of course, calls for backup - 3 cars and the SUV Hummer carrying El Poseur pulls up. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Instead of bringing the guy with the bloody shirt into the station, bring the station to him - and wait for El Poseur to ask the stupidly obvious questions like "Who are you?"

Torgo: "So what kind of victim are we looking for? A man or a woman?"
Random blonde lab tech: "Try a man and two women?"
Torgo: "So, three people?"
Glad to see No Child Left Behind is working well in Miami.

They have the suspect - send out 4 cop cars, a helicopter, and of course, CSI mobile - everyone running out with their guns drawn. No warrant mentioned. Random delivery guy there, as they look like they're going on vacation.

I love how lab work in Miami can all be completed while the doe-eyed cop girl waits. Fortunately, she remembers a land scene where the land was tainted with TNT - which they found on the guy's boots.

Ooh, bloody footprints - at least they have more than one. Still no warrant, no hot pursuit that a crime is currently being committed, but they go in - guns drawn again, El Poseur and The Jaw.

Fortunately, the FBI has some fancy brain machine that measures his brain activity, and Callie Duquesne, the smirker, calls in a favor. Even more fortunately, they already have pictures of the crime scene available to show the guy. The kid remembers when he sees the dead guy, but states he didn't kill him.

Apparently, the kid witnessed his father's murder years before. The first time he had amnesia. The question then becomes... which murder is he remembering? Classic Poseur.

They analyzed the personal effects - fortunately, there was a fiber or hair in the ring - talk about luck! To whom does it belong, though? Some random club owner - need to have more than one suspect, right?

The smirk walks in when amnesia guy says he killed his family. So, did he do it? I guess that's the real question. Well, the dad's son skipped school, talk about lucky breaks! and left a footprint in the dirt. He ID's amnesia kid - so he MUST be the guilty guy.

They even found his hat - and it's Amnesia Kid's hat - but wait! There's black particles falling from the hat that fell in the sewer - they must point to the real killer. It's GSR! Thankfully El Poseur is a lab technician, too - can't trust this to those amateur professional lab techs. Clearly amnesia kid was forced to kill his family.

They bring in military school kid again - they interrogate him, no rights, no attorney, fortunatel, just random questions.

Now they're searching for the money - they look in the grill and find the fingerprint of the guy who stole the money. One fingerprint. Back to nightclub owner. Now he's got no attorney, and he's confessing, basically. Comparing GSR while he's saying the guy had it coming. Where in the world is his attorney? He is confessing now, since a fiber from amnesia guy's hat ended up on nightclub owner's shotgun. Of course. Makes perfect sense.

The episode is over. El Poseur thinks there's hope for Amnesia Kid, who's going to be put on trial for 2nd degree murder. End scene with EP looking out the window, his back to us and his hand on Amnesia Kid's shoulder. I missed the dramatic sunglasses scene on this one.

6 comments:! said...

I seriously don't get why you keep watching this show. You know it's going to be awful and you know you're going to want to strangle whatshisface, yet I think you secretly love it.

And I love How I Met Your Mother. I never got into it until I watched the DVDs for the first 3 seasons and now that I understand the running jokes, it's much better. And Neil Patrick Harris can do no wrong.

Feisty 'Bama Princess said...

Thank you Red Hot! I've been saying that the whole time. He does love it, but it's no longer a secret!!

photog said...

I'm posting here, but only to increase the number of comments on your "I Hate CSI Miami" posts thereby increasing the chances that you will continue watching CSI Miami.! said...

Oh, he'll keep watching. If only because of his secret crush on David Caruso. Steve, you should work on your imitation of him when he takes off his glasses and says something corny in a jilted way.

Anonymous said...

Check out my accurate and relevant review of CSI Miami at

Anonymous said...

When I see this show I see a guy (Caruso) who is desperately trying to compensate for being the snot-nosed deputy punk in First Blood.