Sports

I played baseball as a youth. I wasn't bad, until they started pitching the ball (long story). I honestly don't remember much about playing teeball as a child, other than making the all star team when I was nine and coming in first place. In fastpitch, my first team went 10-2. We lost the last two games of the year and finished second overall. It was disappointing.

What was the problem with playing baseball and losing? It made us want to play harder, try to do better. If we won, we got to cheer. My coaches taught us about sportsmanship, how to root for us and not against the other team. We won a few, and we lost a few, and I am better for it.

My son likes soccer. I played soccer for two years as a child and pretty much stunk. He's better than I, and plays at the YMCA. The Y doesn't keep score. Everyone wins, and everyone cheers, except for the occasional overcompensating dad (more on this shortly). I don't mind encouraging everyone to do well, and cheering everyone when they do. But I don't agree with the "everyone wins" part.

We were out househunting a while back, during baseball season, and we saw a sign on the side of the road advertising a team that was looking for a shortstop. He had to be 11-12 years old, and had to be "all star quality." Anything less would not be considered. I've heard of dads (usually the dads, but I'm sure occasionally the moms) getting into fights over the games, yelling at other parents, coaches, umpires, and players. They seem to believe that by being a very ardent fan of their child on Saturday, it will make up for the absence of parenthood during the week. The coaches in these leagues take the game far too seriously, as do the parents. It's a game. I don't like this "we must be the best or you're gone" part.

There must be a happy medium. I know there must, because there used to be. I'm willing to bet in small town America, it still exists. There is nothing wrong with trying to win. There is nothing wrong with succeeding, and being better at something than the others. When you lose, you often are compelled to go back and try harder, and that's something parents need to try to do. That's encouragement. It doesn't have to be "you did well enough," it can be "you did well, now let's try it again." Don't teach your kids complacency now; it'll stick with them. Teach them to try to excel. Sometimes they'll win, sometimes they'll lose. That's OK.

As for my part, I know what my tendencies can be. I know I'm prone to coaching my kid; trying to get him to do more. I'm know that I might come to a point where I become one of those parents I detest. As such, I try to distance myself from the games my son is in. That's OK, too. You can support your child without actually being present, even. Ask him or her about how he or she did. Talk to your child. It doesn't take fanatacism at the park to show you love your child. Really. My parents didn't attend all my games growing up, and I know they still loved me.