Saturday, February 25, 2006

I'm afraid to see the search hits this might get

A store clerk called police in Pittsburgh on Thursday reporting that a man and woman had asked her to microwave what appeared to be a severed penis wrapped in a towel.

Apparently, the man and woman entered a convenience store and asked the clerk for some paper towels. They then wrapped the towels around an item and asked the clerk to nuke it for 20 seconds. When the clerk handed the item back she saw through the towel what appeared to be a phallus.

The woman who was with the man called police on Friday to offer up her side of the story. According to her, the item in question was actually a prosthetic, filled with the man's urine, that she was going to use for a drug test that was required for a job she was applying for. no word on why she decided to hold the urine in a fake penis, or where she was applying for employment.

Man, I'm glad to be done with retail.


English Professor said...

That is disgusting on so many levels I can't even think of them all. Ick.

Michelle said...

I just have so many questions!

Weary Hag said...

Like Michelle, I have a million questions.

1. Why nuke the urine?

2. Does nuked urine eliminate traces of marijuana, etc?

3. Why didn't this man and woman own a microwave at home?

4. Was the woman wearing tinfoil on top of her head? (this could explain such behavior)

5. Was she applying for a "job" with one of those reality TV shows that just wanted to see how far they could push their prospective participants?

6. What type and how many search hits DID this post accrue for you? :)

Ron Larson said...

Weary Hag:
There is a simple and very logical explanation for this. When you are required to give urine for a drug test, the first thing the technition does is take the tempreture of the urine.

They do this in order to prevent people from sneaking in clean piss (which will be cold).

The drug testing place was obviously very close by to the store. They were heating up the urine to pass the thermostat test.

Why the fake penis? I suspect that is really the man who was taking the test. With the fake penis, he could also pass any exam where the tech has to actually witness the urination.

Perhaps the report just got that detail wrong.

It may not be a job drug test. It could also have simply been a probation drug test.