Love is a two count movement

When I first in-processed at the Defense Language Institute ten years ago, my MTM (Military Training Manager) briefed us on various aspects of being at the multiservice language training center.

One of the things he discussed was an interesting phenomenon at DLI - the marriage rate there. He nicknamed the base the Defense LOVE Institute, and explained that about 1/2 of every incoming flight of (single) students would get married before they left the Presidio. The language schools last from 6 months (Spanish) to 63 weeks for Russian, Korean, Chinese, and Arabic. Perhaps more interesting than that is the next bit of information - of those couples who get married at DLI, 90% are divorced before the end of their first enlistment. In my observations since that time, it appears he was pretty close to accurate, if not completely accurate.

I've often speculated as to why this is the case. My guess has something to do with the sudden change in circumstances for the individuals. Most enlistees are young, often 21 or under. They have just completed one of the most intense experiences of their lives and are in a position where they are living away from their families, often for the first time ever. They're on a base where they spend every day around the same groups of people. Their classes seem interminable - 63 weeks plus Exodus and Class Break and any casual time adds up quite a bit for young people. The airman, soldier, sailor, or Marine is looking for some semblance of stability, and they often decide that the person they're dating is that piece of stability they need, and convince themselves they're in love. The desparation to have that company is so strong that the people ignore the obvious differences and unpreparedness and charge headlong into a marriage that they're not ready for.

As for the divorces, there are a couple things there, I think. First, many of the people who fall in "love" don't pay attention to minor details such as: their relationship won't dictate where they're stationed. If you're a Korean linguist in the Air Force, the odds of your getting stationed with a Spanish Linguist Marine are about as good as my winning the Iditarod. This means that after your short time together, you're relegated to spending years apart, and unfortunately, absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder. Another thing to consider is that after these people get accustomed to their new lives as individuals in the military, they get tired of their new lives as married people, and want to return to single life. This could be because of a personal desire to enjoy the fruits of singlehood now that the stressors have been effectively dealt with. Alternatively, it could be that this married couple, who thought it would be so neat to be married, realize that they have nothing in common, and indeed don't care much for each other. They're no longer bound by the goggles of tunnel vision and desparation, and are able to see things perspectively. Hence the heightened divorce rate.

Therefore, it's not a surprise to me that the Army at the Presidio of Monterey (DLI) has elected to start a class in how to choose a spouse. If there's anyplace that can benefit from such a program, it's there.