Sunday, June 04, 2006

Clean

I've come to the determination that there are various stages of clean in the world, depending on what you mean...

First, there's single guy clean. Single guy clean basically means if you can see any part of the actual original object (i.e. the floor, the bed, the plate, the shirt) under the stuff covering it, then it's good.

Then there's kid clean. Kid clean depends greatly on kid eyes. Kids have a modified X-ray vision. They can see the floor of their room under all the toys, and therefore believe that the parents should be able to, as well.

Then there's teenager clean. Teenager clean is kind of a mix of single guy clean and kid clean, with a bit of apathy mixed in. Clothes on the floor, or in laundry baskets waiting to be put in the space-taker known as a dresser, etc.

Then there's married guy clean. Married guy clean means that occasionally, he'll do a load of laundry or run a vacuum across the center of the room, so he can say he's done something. But basically, married guy clean is confined to tunnel vision. If it's out of the middle of the floor, then it's clean. If it's a stain you can cover, it's clean. If it isn't in your direct reach, it's clean.

Next there's normal woman clean. Normal woman clean is closer to what people think of when they think of "clean." The floors are clear, the dusting done, vacuum, mop, dishes washed AND put away, laundry folded and placed in the dresser or hung neatly in the closet, etc.

Finally, there's woman-with-out-of-town-guests-coming-over clean. This is like normal woman clean on steroids. Things that haven't moved in the house in years get the once over. China is polished, lampshades dusted, blinds cleaned, duvet covers buffed, you name it. This is the stage where the toothbrush holders get washed inside and out, just in case. Sometimes I think we should have out of towners coming over on a monthly basis, just to make sure we didn't miss anything last time, like waxing the outlet covers...

The only problem with the last stage, is that this stage invariably requires the presence of guy assisting, and that's like oil and water...

5 comments:

Bellejar said...

Don't forget dusting the base boards. You have described the stages well. Although, I personally believe in single guy clean it is possible to have half eaten food lying around. Yuck!

Steve said...

That falls under the definition of clean plate. Though in a pinch, old newspaper or "clean" shirt can substitute for a plate if you're eating pizza.

Gramma said...

Do you have company coming? I'm so proud of you: I don't think I've actually seen you do housework, but you mention it a lot. And I have watched you cook, so I know that part is true.

Michelle said...

LOL, great post! Sadly i fall under the last category, that's quite normal for me!

Papamoka said...

You forgot married with children clean where the 5 second rule applies...

I was laughing my head off over this post...great job!